Monday, September 25, 2006

Oggle. Oggle. Gawk. Oggle.




I can't help it. I really can't.
I come from a place where truth is beauty, beauty truth.

Well, not really. I'm from Noida. There's nothing beautiful in Noida except perhaps a cluster of pupps that used to live right next to my house.

Well, what i want to say is that....ummm.....okay this hard....i have this habit of staring....at women..some of them....


Now now i'm not a pervert or anything. I mean i've never even asked a girl out. But then please do not take that as a sign of desperation. This post is a kind of confessional for me.

But here in Manipal, contrary to what big city people say, there are quite a few very pretty young things. Oh yes. Maybe not in my college, but very certainly across the road from us.
And when i'm walking along thinking of some random stuff, and something like that walks past me, then......well.......i do take a second look.

A simple explaination would be to state the obvious. That i'm a normal heterosexual male and these things are.......well.....normal.

But then i think about what the female under observation would think of me (and i'm quite sure they can tell they're being scrutinized)......"What a perv!...Why can't these men respect us as equals and not drool over us?!"

Fair enough.

But in my defense, why do women go through such pains to look beautiful if it isn't for the soul purpose of attracting glances and second glances from men they don't know?

I'm still waiting for an answer. And please don't hand me that crap about wanting to look beautiful for one's own satisfaction. What, so now people love looking at themselves in the mirror so much so that they're ready to forgoe actual appreciation?

A lot of things are responsible for this craze to look beautiful.....the basis of which is pop culture.
Hip hop videos. Pop stars. Cosmopolitan magazine (yelch!!).

But, i'll tell you what. Even a quick look at a lovely lady is good enough to pick me up on a bad day. Yeah, i know that's shallow and all, but i'm just being honest here. It's right up there with other pick-me-ups like a curious toddler, manicured lawns, football, a starry night....and a lot of other stuff.

There i said it. Judge me all you like but atleast i was honest.
But, there is something else i'd like to say. I wish all these dolls could remove the plastic that hides them and let people see the real women. That's beauty because ...that's the truth....

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Haidinger's Pussy vs. Schroedinger's Cat.



See, one day Haidinger was feeling really horny.


He told Schroedinger that he wanted some good old pussy. Schroedinger was slightly taken aback because usually the most that Haidinger ever wanted was a large milkshake (?).

Since H& S were nerds, they didnt know any 'Hot Bitches'. So they were faced with a problem.
But, using some simple calculus and fourier theory, and being an incredibly god-like mathematician, S was able to find a solution.

Well, something like a solution. Which is actually what all mathematicians do. They find such incredibly horrible solutions to all problems that you're left bemused and the only thing you can say (in trying to not look like a complete dumbass) is "Holy crap. Man, that guy must be smoking some good shit!"

Anyway, back to H&S. Just when Haidinger was about to apease his sexual appetite -for a while- with some jerky motions of his willy suspention, Schroedinger took him by the arm to a little yard behind their two-storey house in the sub-urbs of San Somewherino, and showed him a cage.

Then he went and put an alley cat (affectionately called 'Leibnitz-ka' by the duo) in the cage and closed the cage door.

Haidinger was highly discombobulated at this strange sight. He questioned S about the relevance of the cat in the cage to the current problem under analysis. He would have been closer to the solution if he had handed him some colorful pornography. But, he persisted.

Schroedinger explained that if one wanted some pussy, taking the cat as the 'Hot Bitch', and the cage as an energy barrier defining 'Coolness' as a function of energy, one would have to tunnel through the barrier instead of leaping it. And even if one did do that the existence of pussy in the cage does not have a finite (normaly distributed) probability distribution .

Therefore, for low tunneling values one must have high energy driving particles, which refers to the male...ahem...Mr. Cheney.

But an easier solution to reach the pussy would be to remove the barrier or unlock the cage door. And since the one who created the cage has the keys to it, he has complete access to whatever lay inside.

Thus, to get pussy, Haidinger would have to buy Schroedinger the new "50*50 matrix buster!!" game cartridge.

And so he did.

But, since there was no pussy in the first place, the duped Haidinger had to suffice with a Playboy 1964 mag and an empty bowl.

Moral of the story:
Never trust a man good with math.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Showy Offy.



Sometimes you just have to look around to find plastic.

If money, money was the answer
I'd always have more problems.

Look in the mirror. Skin. Bones. Soul?
Or one dark hole?

'Do you wish to buy a new one?!'
'Only $99.50!!!'

No thank you. I'm not cheap.
I'm worse.
Shut up and listen to me.

I'm a doll. I'm made of paper.
With numbers and bits
and a balance
and a porsche
and another doll
i call my own.

Accessorise!!!

Lovely, lovely home.
It's big.
It's bright.
It's beautiful.

Accessorise!!!

But now its smaller than the rest..
because I let the rats infest..

Now i'm cracking and so is this
give me more so i can rest
with a smile that will last till i recycle.

Don't leave me now.
Curse all. I'll fall.
I'll leave it, i swear!
Keep me plastic!
Please, do care...


No no no
This just wont do.
I want the periwinkle blue.
I want the Turkish
the Belgian
throw in a Beirut too.

It'll never end. It'll never end.
Will it ever end?
No, it'll never end.